The Corrupt "Politics" Of HDFC Bank

It was about 11:30am when I arrived at HDFC Bank, Pondicherry, in an auto-rickshaw with whom I had fixed a return fare of 200 rupees. On entering the bank, I went to the lady at one of the Customer Service Desks and told her my account number, so that she could let me know whether the 20k my friend was supposed to have put into this account had kicked in. Apparently, it had not - and my friend just phoned to say he will be doing the needful on Monday morning. And tomorrow is Sunday. The bank closes at 1pm on Saturdays.

At about 11:30am, the lady at the Customer Service Desk informed me that there were some 5000 odd rupees in my account. And we talked a bit about the currency and stock market collapses that were occurring all around the world, during which conversation I told her that "as long as Money & Banking are not honest, collapses will forever occur."


Now, just the other day, I had used a Withdrawal Slip to withdraw money from my account from this very branch, since both my cheque book as well as my ATM Card had been stolen. At that time, I had also applied for a new ATM Card as well as a new cheque book. And the young lad who handled my affairs that day was very much present today.


So I asked for a Withdrawal Slip by which I could withdraw the 5000 rupees in my account.


The bank REFUSED.


I asked to see the Manager - and I told this Manager some things about myself, and how this is a "Salary Account" from my days as Editor of The Economic Times in Nude Elly. I told him that his computer contained some secret information about me that could be used by him to verify my Identity - like my Date of Birth; like my residential address in Nude Elly; like my Mother's Name and so on. I said that I could verify all of these and more. But he INSISTED that he needs an "Identity Proof" - from our The State. 

I told him that anyone could furnish him with a false driver's license or with a false passport, even. Such identity proofs issued by our The State have NEVER been concrete proof of anyone's identity - ever. On the other hand, if his Customer could verify Personal Information, and, further, if his Signature tallied with the one in his records, there was nothing to worry about.


But this Manager INSISTED that he could NOT allow me to withdraw MY MONEY from MY ACCOUNT without an ID Proof issued by our The State.


So I asked to speak to his Boss - and he connected me on the phone with a Vice-President of HDFC Bank, who was also most unhelpful. He INSISTED on sticking to his silly bureaucratic rule. I called him a chamcha of Nandan Nilekani, in disgust. I also told him that India does NOT need the Nandan Nilekani Unique Identity Scheme, by which all billion of us will get our irises screened and our fingerprints scanned for State records. I told him that India needs All Property to be properly registered and recorded - and that, if this was done, his bank, which claims to be a "housing development finance bank," would be the first to benefit.


But the guy was a compleat moron.


I left in disgust - after telling him that all that had transpired would shortly be put up in the Public Domain on My Blog. I came directly back to this Internet outlet, but a fracas broke out between me and the auto-rickshaw driver, who insisted on his payment. Finally, it was decided that I would give him my bags, which were lying next to the sadhu - and we went there. However, there, things were sorted out by some of the Good Firemen from the Fire Station - and one of them paid him off. I rested the afternoon.


Some cops came by in a patrol vehicle and talked in Tamil with the sadhu - after which they offered him some food, which he accepted. I later told the sadhu that he had done something WRONG - for this food was paid for by TAX MONEY. I told him that if he should accept anything from policemen at all, it should be ganja, for his shawl said OM NAMOH SHIVAY in Tamil.


Now, getting back to this Unique Identity Card of Nandan Nilekani, let me say just one thing: and that is, "good government" is that in which The People, who are ALL businessmen, or employed by businessmen, are fully possessed of their Privacy as well as their secrets, which must include Business Secrets. Swiss Banks USED to be like that. 


Further, "good government" is that in which EVERYTHING about this government is in the open, and there are NO SECRETS at all about the government. The best example of such a government is the one administered by the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, in Medina, where he was always surrounded by 23 or more scribes, who carefully recorded each and everything he said or did.


The People must have their privacy as well as their secrets.


It is the government that must have no secrets at all.


Nandan Nilekani is taking our country in the wrong direction - and he has sonia gandhi, chacha manmohan s gandhi, the Union Home Ministry (which will keep these records) as well as HDFC Bank on his side.


And I am on The Other Side.


So, all you rockers out there, put on Mr. Jim Morrison REAL LOUD:

And Break On Through To The Other Side 

My One & Only Bank Account: Take #2

While I was employed as an Editor of The Economic Times in Nude Elly, and this was between the years 1998 and 2002, one bright sunny day, I was pleasantly surprised to hear the good news that all of us had been given "salary accounts" in HDFC Bank, and that this very good bank was immediately installing an ATM in the basement of our office. What luck!


They gave us 2 "salary accounts": and mine bore the numbers 0271050024925 and 0271050024935. In the former account was transferred the "white money," and in the latter, the "black money" - which was a very good thing, and I was happy to cheat the TAX COLLECTOR. I simply DETEST tax collectors.


When I joined the company, at the express INVITATION of Swaminathan Aiyar, the HRD manager told me that my monthly salary was to be 30,000 rupees. But, throughout those long, long 5 years, I never ever saw 30,000 rupees in my accounts. In fact, over the years, the amount in my account kept DECREASING. In five years, I never received any RAISE IN PAY. Nor did I receive any PROMOTION.


It was just STAGNATION, some amount of "intellectual repression" - and progressive pauperisation.


After I walked away from this job, one day, the first account of mine, the "white money" account, simply VANISHED.


And I was left with this second account: 0271050024935.

Subsequently, one "zero" was added to this number, and my one and only bank account, a savings account with HDFC Bank, bears the number 00271050024935.

Then, there came some good news: About six months after I quit this job, I was informed that I had been honoured with the First Frederic Bastiat International Award for Journalism Promoting Liberty, that I had been selected as winner by an eminent jury, and that this prize was going to be presented to me in London, in the Royal Commonwealth Club, by Baroness Margaret Thatcher herself.


I was overjoyed. I went to London "to visit the Queen, and sure as Hell frightened all the little mice under her chair."


Anyway, there I was back in India, with 6 thousand US dollars in Traveller's Cheques, and a Baccarat crystal candlestick with my name engraved upon the base, and with Baroness Thatcher's fingerprints upon it.


This money was NOT put into my account - for it would have alerted the taxman. I spent all this money in my Mangalore Adventure, and I do think it was well worth it.


Today, things are grave indeed, and there is NO MONEY any more in this account.


I have received Official Communication from one Mr. Bernard Graham of Google UK, that they are transferring 500,000 "non-sterling" British Pounds into this one and only bank account of mine - and this Official Communication entered my GMail Inbox some two whole weeks ago.


And Google owns GMail.


And Google also owns Blogger - on which I publish The Antidote Blog: Austro-Libertarian Opinion From Indyeah.


And Google also owns Google Chrome - on which I work on the Internet.


And Google also owns Google Images - from which I obtain all the photographs and illustrations that grace this blog, like the HDFC Bank logo above.


And Google provides me all these services FREE - and I have forgotten to mention their Search Engine - while I provide Google with ZERO REVENUE, because there are NO ADVERTISEMENTS on my blog.


Now, as an ECONOMIST OF INTERNATIONAL REPUTE, I wonder as to how Google makes money at all - since they seem to be giving all their services to everyone completely free of cost.


I notice their clever ads on GMail - but I wonder whether the revenue from these ads is sufficient to pay for all these completely free services.


Anyway, it is their business, and they must "mind their own business," while I must mind mine.


It is surely MY BUSINESS to know where that 500,000 non-sterling British Pounds have gone.


So, will someone from Google UK please let me know - soon.


And will someone from HDFC Bank let me know, too -  soon.


My current pecuniary condition is what Mr. Micawber might call "extreme penury."


This morning, I had to mortgage my mobile phone to obtain 10 packets of cigarettes.


The owner of the hotel is a little upset that I owe him some 12,000 rupees, and this is NOT a big sum of money for a journalist like me, for Outlook Business just paid me 15,000 rupees for a 750 word column DEMOLISHING "corporate social responsibility." However, I would like to pay the hotel guy off, for it is a small hotel, and he needs to keep his revenues flowing.


Now, for some days now, a young employee of HDFC Bank has been befriending me on Beach Road every evening, where I always sit at a particular spot every evening and drink beer in public. His name is Arun Prakash Rao, and he is a sweet, young lad, who is now in the habit of sending me 20 or more loving SMSes every day, and every night, too. Though I have advised him to stop this. Just one SMS a day, I told him.


Yesterday, Arun informed me that he has found out that my bank account - the one and only one I have, whose details I have recounted above - has been CLOSED DOWN.


The hotel owner also seems to be of the same opinion. He said that my bank account has been closed down because I revealed its details to some "foreigner."


I told the hotel owner this is NONSENSE-UPON-STILTS - for the details of my bank account are clearly PRINTED on every cheque I issue. And I have my cheque book with me, with 50 unused cheques in it.


So, something FISHY seems to be going on, doesn't it?


"Smells like teen spirit."


And smells like "corruption."


If I may add, just for the RECORD, Macmillan India has NOT paid me any royalties for over 7 years now.


And they have published TWO books of mine - and I am informed that BOTH these books are BESTSELLERS.


What a completely fucked up CORRUPT COUNTRY we live in.


Corrupt politicians.


Corrupt bureaucrats.


Corrupt generals.


Corrupt policemen - who are "lawless," and not "Custodians of The Law" at all.


Corrupt judges.


Corrupt businessmen.


And now, perhaps, a CORRUPT PRIVATE BANK, too.


But I intend to get to the bottom of all this shit.


And I intend to GET EVEN.


As a wise man once advised me:

DON'T GET MAD - GET EVEN