Bhola On The Stock Exchange

I have chosen the ganja leaf as my flag not only because I love the Noble Herb. More than that, I would like this leaf to be seen as a symbol of the greatest tyranny ever to have visited a peaceful people.

Orissa is the one province of India where ganja is legally sold. This has to do with the fact that almost everyone there is a smoker – I even met a senior politician with whom I shared a few spliffs. I heard that it is quite common in Orissa to find a grandfather, son and grandson smoking a chillum together. I had the occasion to visit a small hamlet a short distance from Cuttack. Under the banyan tree I found a whole lot of men smoking chillums and joined them. It was a village of about 500 adult males, and my inquiries revealed that over 5 kilos of ganja was smoked in that little village every day.

What is true of Orissa is also true of Bengal, where both ganja and opium were legally sold even as recently as the 1980s. When I was a child, my father used to regale me with funny stories of an eccentric ganja-smoking uncle he had in Khulna, now in Bangladesh; a poet.

Living in a Bengali enclave in Delhi, it is easy to find the deep roots this herb has in Bengali culture. A little shop I discovered in the market, specializing in goods connected with Hindu pujas, sells chillums, what Bengalis call kolkay – not for smoking, but as offerings to the gods. Indeed, they also sell tiny sachets of bhang without which devout Bengalis cannot offer Narayan puja. Thus, in this market of Bengalis, I found a group of hardy chillum smokers – and joined them. They have migrated here from rural Bengal, to sell labour services in this shitty city. They prove that ganja is a part of Bengali culture.

What is true of Orissa and Bengal is equally true of UP, Bihar, Uttaranchal, Himachal, and even Kashmir, where I received great charas delivered right to my houseboat deck. The ganja culture is less prevalent in southern India, but Kerala, Karnataka and Andhra grow some of the best. I recall staying in a tiny town in Karnataka for some time, where there were enough ganja smokers to keep a few dealers in good business. Language makes it impossible for me to communicate with the rural folk of south India; but I have looked deep into the eyes of the men, and I do believe there is widespread use of the noble herb here as well. Too many men with bloodshot eyes wearing beatific smiles.

Having said that, let us turn to the tyranny. The stuff my chillum-friends in the market smoke, the stuff I buy in the nearby slums – this stuff is awful. This is the tyranny. The police have prohibited nothing; rather, they control a lucrative trade. They exploit customers by selling third-rate stuff. They harm public health.

My sympathies lie entirely with the poor people, those who toil and labour, and spend a few bucks on ganja, to obtain some “cannabliss.” In my own case, I know very well that after some hard work I too like to unwind and relax with some of the same stuff myself. There are but a few pleasures in life, but here in India it seems that the official religion is suffering. They suffer, and they make us all suffer.

Yet, my trip to Orissa revealed that limited legalization is no answer. Here, I found the legal shops selling crap. I could buy decent stuff only from the underground. In the little hamlet referred to above, where 5 kilos of ganja was smoked every day, the dealers were all illegal. They could not afford the 75,000 rupee license fee and preferred to operate by paying small bribes to the cops and excise goons. In Bengal too, when ganja was sold through licensed shops, the stuff was awful.

I therefore advocate the entry of Bhola into the stock market – and Bhola traditionally rides a bull. Very auspicious indeed. We could do with a dozen or more cannabliss companies. And let brand names assure us of quality.

In tough, recessionary times, the best way to stimulate an economy is by removing all obstacles to business. Cannabis can be a HUGE business. ITC, the Ambanis, Mallya – they will all look tiny before a majestic Bhola Unlimited Company Ltd. Ganja farmers will prosper. The commonwealth will achieve all-round gains.

So, let’s just do it.