It's Cassius Clay Vs Palaniappan Chidambaram: Take #2

Last night, as I was sleeping out there in the open on Beach Road, Pondicherry, my Samsonite pouch, containing my cash, my debit card, my cheque book, my mobile phone, and my passport was STOLEN - along with my SLIPPERS.


These are 2-year old 100 rupee plastic slippers. They had straps - but the straps broke, so I cut them off. Who the FUCK would steal such fucked-up slippers? They are not even comfortable. And I have some blisters on my feet to prove it. 


I do NOT believe any of the good people of Pondicherry could have committed such a crime. And, in Mangalore, as I reported to the Karnataka Lokayukta, the Karnataka Police actually STOLE my wallet while arresting me - a beautiful wallet I had purchased in Srinagar, Kashmir.


So, maybe, it is the Pondicherry Police who stole my stuff last night.


I have been sleeping out there in the open on Beach Road for many nights now. And every night I have woken up to see the Police skulking around. There are many other people who sleep out there in the open, like my good friend Abdullah, the one-legged beggar. But no one hassles me. Yet, when I see the policemen skulking around, I get a bad feeling. I arise. I stand up. And then, they depart. After that, I go back to sleep.


I like sleeping out there in the open. I love The Great Outdoors. I love camping. I love trekking in the mountains. I love the Outdoors - where there are No Police.


Now, under the Constitution of India, the police are a "State Subject." Further, under the Indian Penal Code, all powers are vested in the Station House Officer in-charge of a Police Station. The entire edifice above this SHO exists only to harass him - and exploit him for "political purposes." And, of course, to CORRUPT him.


At the very top of the heap is Palaniappan Chidambaram, Union Home Minister. He is a "politician" from Tamil Nadu - but he is a "zero" in Madras. Just as the Union Health Minister who banned "smoking in public places" throughout the length and breadth of this vast sub-continent is a Complete Zero in Tamil Nadu, Mr. Ramadoss of the PMK.


The Union Cabinet in Nude Elly always comprises some of these compleat zeroes from Madras - and Chidambaram is one of them. Read more about him from good ol' Wikipedia. He is a student of Statistics. He holds an MBA from Harvard. And he is a "successful socialist lawyer" - like Kapil Sibal and Arun Jaitley.


This fella, P Chidambaram, always manages himself a berth in the Union Cabinet by kissing ass. And then, he speaks very softly and sweetly - unlike REAL POLICEMEN, who kick ass, and talk rough. Chidambaram always wears a lungi. Imagine that! A Harvard dude in a lungi!


Harvard is a terrible university. And Harvard Law School is particularly horrible. Do see the old movie about this law school, a movie called "Paper Chase," which shows how much their students have to mug and cram, just for this "paper degree." It's the perfect example of LEGAL POSITIVISM, this Harvard Law School.


Also, you must read PJ O'Rourke's essay on the time he attended the Annual Big Event of Harvard University. The way that O'Rourke, a "jolly good fellow" if there ever was one, describes this event, it is evident that Harvard University is nothing but an EXTENSION OF THE US STATE.


I am NOT from Harvard. I studied at the London School of Economics & Political Science, and the LSE Students' Union is DANGEROUS. They are called "The London Mob." The LSE Students' Union runs their own PUB on campus, a very nice pub called "The Three Tuns."


Now, for a VERY LONG TIME, the Indian Police have been after me, and I suspect they get their orders from Chidambaram, who is a ZERO in Madras. My Karnataka stories are well known. But here too, right here in Pondicherry, I have been endlessly harassed by the police. The Pondicherry Police effectively evicted me from L'Ocean Hotel, and then they kidnapped me and lodged me in the JIPMER Hospital for a few horrible days and nights, to undergo psychiatric examination. While I was there, policemen guarded my room. After I was released, the Hotel L'Ocean informed me that the Pondicherry Police had instructed them that I was NOT to be allowed to live there. And it is therefore that I shifted to the Hotel Continental, further down the line. There too, policemen came to my room. And anyway, you know that later on policemen assaulted me on Beach Road and smashed my glasses and also caused bleeding injuries on the top of my head. You know that they took me to a Police Station for questioning. And you know that they then released me WITHOUT CHARGES.


This is nothing but HARASSMENT.


And the man behind all this, if you can call him a MAN at all, is P Chidambaram, Union Home Minister, who is a ZERO in Madras, and a ZERO in Nude Elly, too. Whereas I am a zero in Madras, I happen to be a HERO in Nude Elly. I studied in St. Columba's High School in Nude Elly. And I hold two degrees from Delhi University, where I was widely known as a "charsi." And in Delhi, they say:

Charsi Kabhi Na Marsi

Now, while Chidambaram hides under sonia's skirt, there is someone sinister hiding under his lungi - and that happens to be MY MOTHER. She is always skulking around wherever I go, escorted by policemen. Staying free in State Guest Houses. Interfering in my life. She is an Agent of The State. I hereby DISOWN her. As far as I am concerned, I am my father's son. When I was a little boy, my father's Bhojpuri chaprasis used to sing a song about me that went:

Baap ka beta,

Sipahi ka ghora,

Kuch nahin tho,

Thora thora...

Because of this horrible woman hiding under Chidambaram's lungi, my MOVIE, of which I am the HERO, is constantly being altered. In Mangalore, I thought I was 007 James Bond, "Licensed to Kill" by Baroness Thatcher - and suddenly I found James Bond's MOTHER landing up in my James Bond movie!

What the FUCK?

Sometimes, I think I am Macbeth, "is this a dagger that I see before me, it's handle towards my hand, come let me clutch thee" - and then this woman comes and changes my movie into Hamlet.


And, just by the way, William Shakespeare is GUILTY of having libeled Lady Macbeth, for Macbeth was a HERO, and the records show that he killed Duncan in "fair combat."


Now, I am barefoot. And I have nothing on me. I am taking a rickshaw to HDFC Bank - to withdraw all the cash in my account.


I trust the Pondicherry Police will return all my belongings to me soon - and tell this Chidambaram fucker, who is a ZERO in Madras, and a ZERO in Nude Elly too, to FUCK OFF from my life.


I am pasting a photo of this asshole below, to contrast it with that of Cassius Clay above. And many thanks to Google Images, "without whose sweet love, what would I be."

And now, for a latest update. I have spent the afternoon drinking beer with my friend the saintly sadhu, and with Abdullah, the one-legged beggar. I spent my money on the beer. This just happens to be The Holy Month of Ramadan - and, so, all three of us decided to skip lunch. But, because both our religions permit it, the three of us decided to smoke some chillums of ganja.


And a rickshakaran came by. And I have seen the MGR movie Rickshakaran, long ago.


And so, I gave this rickshakaran 100 rupees to get some ganja and a chillum.


But he never showed up after that.


I went to sleep on a chatai I just bought - and both the sadhu as well as Abdullah slept alongside me.


What the FUCK?


Is this The Holy Month of Ramadan or what?


And the saintly sadhu was covering himself with a cloth upon which Namoh Shivaye was inscribed in TAMIL.

Boom Shankar - Dusman ko Thang Kar.

Bum Lehri - Gaarh De Tamboo Gehri.

Bum Lehri - Tere Jata Se Ganga Behri.